"If you feel like you're sitting there and you're going, 'I don't know when was the last time I was successful', let me tell you, you are successful. Because you have survived 100% of your bad days. you are still here; therefore, you are successful." -Anna King Kowlessar.
After I finished my last final of freshmen year, I wasn't feeling very successful. Despite the fact that I have made it through 100% of my bad days. Despite the fact that I have completed the first year of my natural science degree, and more than passed every single class I took. Despite the fact that I got up almost every morning and went to work, or went to class even on flare days. Despite the fact that I made so many great friendships, and built relationships. I showed up... but I felt like I had fallen short.
But God showed up.
His grace was with me, even when my faith was wavering.
Even when I wasn't praying.
Even when I didn't "want" to go to church.
His grace still showed up.
So why do we feel like we aren't successful?
Even amongst the chaos, He is our calm.
Even during the ups and downs of college, He is our constant.
And even when our physical bodies quite literally fail to meet healthy standards and are chronically ill, He is our cure.
Chaos:
Breathe. This day was created for beauty. This day was created for hope. This day was created for peace. Even amongst the chaos of your everyday life, breathe...
I'm just as guilty as the next person for stressing out way too much. Balancing work, college, and a social life all while trying to just stay sane has been a challenge. I have contemplated giving up. I have called my mom and begged her to come get me. But God knew I would need parent's who would challenge me to never give up on my dreams. To never give up on God.
I have been grumpy here. I have complained, I have whined, and there have been times where I haven't been content. But God gave me people here and people back home who encouraged me through the chaos.
Because God knows our storms aren't easy to go through. He knows that the waves are high, the wind is strong. And He's still there are the end of the day, saying "Peace, be still."
Because chaos happens. Everday life happens. Whether you're in college, or have already been there and done that, God is your calm through the storm.
College:
Oh goodness. So many ups and downs. So many happy days, sad days, triumphs and losses. There is so much growth during this process. I have grown so much closer to my God. I have grown so much closer to my roommates and my friends here. I have learned that I really, really love Florida and the beach. But I have also seen disappointments. I have failed in aspects of this college life. There has been more than one time that I have failed God, putting school before Him. But somehow, He still loves me. Somehow, His grace still pulled me through. It pulled me through so much. And His blessings are beyond great. Because college is HARD. No matter what major, no matter how many credits you're taking. There is emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. There is so much hard work put into getting good grades, pleasing professors, and just trying to survive off of 4 hours of sleep with coffee rushing through your veins instead of oxygenated blood. You've come this far. God has brought you to this point, and He is your constant. Make God your constant. Make Him a priority through the struggles of adult life.
And by God's mercy, He will never leave you.
Chronic Illness:
I hesitate to even put this point in this blog post, but it's apart of me. It's who I am, a young person struggling with a diagnoses that is manageable, but never curable. And I'm not exactly the greatest at taking care of my body here in college, but I've managed alright. And on the outside, if you met me, you'd never know the invisible illness that courses through my bones. But I want to praise God. Because He is so, so good, my friends. I struggle daily, and I have had to learn that I HAVE to listen to my body. I have had to learn that it is OKAY to skip a class or two throughout the semester and to just rest. Because not only is the normal physical exhaustion of college something to grapple with, but on top of that, there's flare days, there's medication side effects, and there's a really poor immune system inside my body that has me sick with a cold or allergies every other week. But God has literally had His hand on me this whole time. Even on my worst days, He would help me through.
I know chronic illness isn't something that is uncommon. So many people deal with invisible illness, whether they be mental illness or physical illness, there are so many warriors pushing through the college life, pushing through the work-life, pushing through the everyday life, and they are still breathing. They are still strong. They are making it through 100% of their bad days. And there's so much encouragement in knowing so many people are making it. Huge shout out to the warriors who are more than being successful as they make their way through life. There is so much encouragement in knowing that even though cures don't exist for every illness, God has the ultimate Cure.
"...but God is still good."
{Sarah}
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. -- Jeremiah 29:11
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